


Nine Weeks

by obsessivepropulsive



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, Mention of previous character death, Mostly Fluff, Some angst, and then it turns into a new years thing, its starts off as an elf au, rey had a crummy childhood, so really its just a mish mash of every holiday, total happiest ending ever, valentines day is showing up too, waffle house now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-10-03 05:51:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17278289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obsessivepropulsive/pseuds/obsessivepropulsive
Summary: It should have bothered him, he knew, how often he thought of her. But it didn’t. It felt comfortable. That is, until he was in the store with no real reason to be there, and no real desire to end up with a restraining order for Christmas.





	1. The Ghost of Christmas Past

**Author's Note:**

  * For [raven_maiden](https://archiveofourown.org/users/raven_maiden/gifts).



> this is a gift for the amazing [raven_maiden](https://archiveofourown.org/users/raven_maiden/pseuds/raven_maiden), who is as beautiful as she is kind, and had the misfortune of getting me as her secret bantha. this started as an elf-inspired one-shot (her prompt) but morphed into something beyond my control. 
> 
> (also - the death mentioned is han. it's not really a spoiler - it's mentioned in the first sentence.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren goes into Macy's to purchase a Christmas present and comes out with a very big problem. Also, many, many small ones.

Kylo started sending her the houses after his father died.

 

He stood, staring vacantly at the shelves, an awful cover of _Baby, It’s Cold Outside_ tormenting him over the loudspeakers of the store.

 

 _Fuck. I should have come weeks ago._ Snoke paid him well. Very well. But it came at the expense of most of his free time. Not that he enjoyed shopping anyways - he was content to have nearly everything delivered. Except, at this point, even a delivery wouldn’t come quick enough to get it back out to his mother. _Now all that’s left to choose between is Dr. Doolittle’s Pet Store and Big Pig’s BBQ Pen._

 

It had been Han’s Christmas tradition. They took over their spacious home, a sprawling city of miniature ceramic houses covering every surface. Tiny windows glowing as the crowd of petite plastic villagers went about their business in a sea of fake snow. Each year, Leia spent the entire day after Thanksgiving lovingly setting them out. And each Christmas, no matter how hectic the year had been, Han had a new house wrapped and ready for her under the tree to add to her collection.

 

And then, he was gone.

 

The accident had happened in the summer. Kylo wasn’t proud of how he had handled it. _Or rather, how he hadn’t handled it at all_ , his conscience frequently screamed at him. Moving away, changing your name, taking on a distracting job with a questionable company, and never really checking on your mother was not really a socially acceptable way to process grief. But then again, social skills were never really Kylo’s forte.

 

He couldn’t bring himself to visit for Christmas that year, but he couldn’t bear the thought of no house waiting under the tree for his mother. So he made it happen. She sent him a picture of it nestled in her village with the words “I love you, Ben.” He hadn’t been home in nine years, but he made sure Leia had needed to extend her collection into the guest room in the meantime.

 

Which was why Kylo was stuck in a Macy’s on his lunch break, a week before Christmas, desperately trying to consider the economic development of a tiny village of model houses. He had just picked up the pet store - _My mother definitely wouldn’t appreciate the idea of a cannibal pig running his own barbecue restaurant -_ when he heard it.

 

The term singing simply didn’t do the sound justice. It was mesmerizing, a lilting melody that floated over the noise from the store speakers and snapped Kylo to attention. It was the tune of the song - the same words were there - but quite frankly, it put the hollow recording to shame.

 

_I wish I knew how...Your eyes are like starlight now...To break this spell...I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell.._

 

Kylo grinned to himself, realizing whoever she was, she was singing both parts of the song flawlessly. His height made it easy to peer over the racks of clothes and purses as he followed the sound, but he didn’t see her until she stood up from where she was straightening shirts on a low shelf.

 

Kylo’s brain short-circuited, imploding on itself, erupting into a fiery ball of gas on impact.

 

She was thin, but strong, and moved with purpose. Her auburn hair was pulled back into three buns that bounced with each step she took. Everywhere he looked he saw kindness - in the gentle strength of her hands, the softness of her eyes, the small smile she wore as she sang to herself. He had never seen anyone... _anything_...so beautiful and intriguing in his entire thirty years.

 

Not to mention, she was dressed like an elf. It dawned on him that she worked here, that the moss-colored tights and cute little dress with a buckle were not a fashion choice, but the uniform for the store. Her name tag confirmed his suspicions.

 

_Rey. Her name is Rey. She is dressed like an elf. God help me, I cannot be thinking impure thoughts about an elf._

 

Kylo became painfully aware that his thoughts were becoming more and more disjointed, his brain abandoned by what had to be every bit of blood in his body heading south.

 

“Hello, sir, is there anything I can do for you?” Her smile was earnest. Kylo could see flecks of gold in her hazel eyes.

 

Immediately after hearing the word “sir,” Kylo instinctively moved the box he was holding to cover what he knew was becoming an obvious problem in his expensive dress slacks. _She has an English accent. She’s beautiful. Her name is beautiful. Don’t say her name, that would be creepy._

 

“Well, yes Rey, I’m here to find a present. For my mom.”

 

_Fuck. Smooth. This is why you are still single._

 

“Well, it appears that you already found one.” She gestured towards the box in his hands. Her smile was bright, her eyes still kind. Kylo could see the freckles that smattered across her nose and he briefly considered what it would be like to kiss them across her cheeks.

 

“Well yes. Yes. Yes, it does appear that I have one.” He smiled, sheepishly, and shrugged his shoulders.

 

“Would you like to buy it?” Her brow was furrowed, and her smile was melting from friendly to amused.

 

“Buy what?”

 

At this point, she was openly smirking at him. He knew it. “The house you are holding. You kind of have to pay for things if you want them, you know. I can check you out at the counter.”

 

_I would love for you to check me out……_

 

Somehow, by some strange divine providence, he managed to reach into his pocket, get his wallet, and pay for the house. He even took the receipt, and walked out with his bag, like a reasonable person. He walked the 3 blocks back to his office building and rode the elevator up all 13 stories before he realized he had never even told her his name. He spent the rest of his day staring out the window, ignoring emails from his boss for the first time in nine years.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Rey wouldn’t describe herself as lonely. Obviously, not having parents made things a little difficult. But she had Rose and Finn, she reminded herself as she walked through the door of the apartment they all shared. They were the family she never had, and they had somehow crammed enough love into the 3 years she had known them to almost erase an entire childhood of loneliness.

 

She also had BeeBee, who was now skittering excitedly around his cage, a tiny flurry of chattering orange fur. His hamster ball was his happy place, and he knew that Rey arriving home meant a solid hour of rolling around the apartment, smacking into furniture and walls like a maniac.

 

Slipping out of her uniform - _Why, for the love of God did Macy’s insist she wear this the entire month of December? -_ she turned the events of her day over in her head. It was her daily ritual, but she knew today exactly where her mind would be going.

 

She hadn’t seen him, at first, when she looked up from the shirts she was folding. She liked working in the children’s department. Childhood had been such a painful experience for Rey. She enjoyed the thought of being able to help a child find a new pair of shoes or special sweater. It was a small pleasure she never really had in her world of hand-me-downs.

 

Not to mention it helped pay the bills as she finished her degree in social work. One day she would really be making a difference in the world.

 

But for right now, she was laying on her bed, staring out the window, and trying to remember every mole she saw on the face of her handsome customer today.

 

_Shit. Get a hold of yourself Rey. It’s not like you’ve never seen a man in your store before._

 

Of course, she saw men - plenty of men - every day. Even men who complimented her, who asked her out, who eventually gave up when she shot them down. Usually she found herself creeped out by the men that pursued her at work, but she was curiously disappointed that she had ended the interaction without even learning his name.    

 

Of course, she had immediately noticed his height. Hell, he could see her clear over the rack he was standing behind. Not that the rack did anything to hide his healthy frame. She could see the way his dress shirt tugged over his chest and arms. He wasn’t bulky, though - there was a beautiful leanness to his features, accented by dark, haunting eyes and striking hair.

 

He looked at her like he was a starving man, and Rey found that she didn’t mind one bit.

 

She wasn’t sure where the “sir” came from - he certainly looked older than her, but not old enough to resort to formalities. _Is there anything I can do for you?_ It sounded innocuous enough, but just thinking about it now sent a little thrill of excitement down her spine.  

 

 _He seemed so nervous. Adorably nervous._ She might have mistaken his anxiety for cluelessness, if it hadn’t been for the tell-tale signs - running his hand through that gorgeous hair, darting eyes, and what she realized was an adorable twitch of his mouth.

 

 _And God, he was buying a present for his mother. One of those sweet little ceramic houses. He is probably a perfect son._ She had rung him up, dutifully, reminding him that he had to give her money, and “Here, you need to take your receipt,” while he stared at her like she had sprouted wings.

 

It should have been unnerving, but it wasn’t at all. She felt it, too.

  
And then, he was gone. And here she was, staring at the Christmas lights hanging above her twin bed, _not being lonely at all,_ and wondering if she might ever see him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this will probably end up being about five chapters, with the next update coming in the next day or so!
> 
> also, for anyone who is curious, [these](https://department56.com/collections/original-snow-village) are the houses i am imagining in the fic. leia is my mom. i grew up assuming everyone was drowning in these things during the holidays. 
> 
> please come scream at me on [tumblr](https://obsessivepropulsive.tumblr.com/) or [twitter](https://twitter.com/obsessivepro)


	2. The Ghost of Christmas Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas Eve! You know what that means - Kylo is trying his best to fuck things up!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i felt it was my reylo duty to throw waffle house into the mix here. also, this thing is totally non-beta'd so please have mercy on my soul...

 

The first day, he went back to get the barbecue house. Rey didn’t have to know there was no way in hell he would send that abomination to his mother. She was in the same place as last time, arranging tiny shoes on a display. When she smiled at him with recognition, he thought his heart would burst out of his chest.  _ Breathe, idiot,  _ he reminded himself,  _ and don’t forget to tell her your name.  _

 

He got all the way back to his office before he realized he told her “Ben. Ben Solo.”

 

The second day, he couldn’t bear the thought of not seeing her. It should have bothered him, he knew, how often he thought of her. But it didn’t. It felt comfortable. That is, until he was in the store with no real reason to be there, and no real desire to end up with a restraining order for Christmas. 

 

So when she spotted him from across the store, and approached him with a wave, he did what any normal person would do - he grabbed a tie off of the shelf beside him, and decided to buy it for a relative that died nearly 30 years ago. 

 

“I needed a gift for my grandfather,” he explained with a shrug.

 

“A black tie with red stripes and tiny skulls? For your grandfather?” Her voice dripped with skepticism. 

 

“It’s more appropriate than you would think,” was all he could respond with. 

 

The third day, his feet just took him there. This time he grabbed what turned out to be a very bejeweled hair band. She was humming to herself behind the counter, and he pretended like all of the other registers were busy. 

 

“For my grandmother.”  _ You can decorate gravestones with tiaras, right? _

 

“Is she some queen or something?” Rey snorted, eyeing the excessive trinket.

 

“You might say that.” Kylo was starting to feel guilty, but not guilty enough to give himself up.

 

The rest of the week, his lunch break was filled with Rey. Kylo suddenly developed quite an extended family to shop for. Each visit she shared something new, a little hint about who she was. Kylo couldn’t get enough. Part of him was terrified that she couldn’t possibly live up to the level he had built her in his mind, but he found the more he learned, the more he wanted to know. 

 

In the meantime, he was ducking out of meetings at work early and skipping business lunches. As the piles of assorted shit from Macy’s grew around his apartment, so did the increasingly aggressive emails from his boss.

 

The last one was a reality check for Kylo.  _ “Join me for lunch tomorrow on the 24th. We need to talk. This is  _ **_not_ ** _ optional.” _

 

It turned out that Snoke just wanted to talk about business goals for the upcoming quarter. It was a power move, a grab for control back from Kylo, and one that cost him his daily visit to Rey. 

 

He knew the store would be closed the next day for Christmas, and the thought of not seeing her made him want to go ahead and take a double dose of his anxiety medication. It was dark by the time he left the office, and Macy’s was honestly in the other direction, but he found his body moving the few blocks to the glowing store. 

 

He spotted her straightening the tree in the children’s section, standing on a stepladder that just barely raised her higher than him. This time he had planned ahead. On his way in, he had grabbed a gift set of cologne from the beauty counter, a gift he was sure would be perfect for someone who had an uncle they actually spoke to. Her eyes met his as he neared her, a grin spreading across her face. 

 

He watched her as her grin faded to panic, her foot catching on a rung of the ladder, and her body twisting towards the ground. Three seconds later, the cologne was on the ground, and Kylo had Rey in his arms. 

 

He expected a spark to fly - to have some kind of shock, like instant lightning between them. But instead, all he felt was her smooth skin, soft and sweet beneath his hands. She smelled faintly of vanilla and nutmeg, and he immediately wondered if she tasted like cookies. 

 

“Hi” she whispered, smiling shyly.  _ Is she settling herself further into my arms?  _ He was sure of it, and it made him want to tuck her small form to him and carry her away, to protect her from the world. 

 

Instead, he whispered back, “Please let me take you out for dinner tonight.” 

 

                                          -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Rey was perfectly happy with Waffle House. She heard Ben grumble under his breath as they walked down the street past a plethora of closed businesses, something that sounded like “deserves better than this…” 

 

She giggled to herself.  _ What else would you expect after midnight on Christmas Eve? _

 

Besides, she liked eggs. And bacon. And waffles. Also coffee, plenty of coffee. And if Ben thought anything about the way she devoured plate after plate, he certainly didn’t show it. In fact, every time she looked up he was watching her like he would like to eat her up himself. 

 

“So why aren’t you spending Christmas with your family?” She shoved the last piece of waffle into her mouth, savoring the peanut butter and chocolate melting together.

 

Ben smiled and shrugged, “Well I don’t really have much family, and work keeps me busy. Too busy, really. My mom lives an hour away, and at this point, she is really all I have left.”

 

_ What the actual hell.  _ It started as a thought, and five seconds later erupted out of her mouth. “You, you have been in my store buying fucking gifts for your family all week!!!”

 

Rey had no idea how someone’s face could look so pale and so red at the same time. Ben shrank, no he  _ withered _ , into the vinyl seat beneath him, her finger still pointing mercilessly at his chest. 

 

“I just wanted to see you.” The response was mumbled, his head down in shame. “I really did need the first present. And then I saw you. Just you. And I didn’t want to scare you off, but I couldn’t stop thinking about you. So, yes, I have a stack of presents at home that are maybe not for anybody. And maybe I used them as an excuse to keep seeing you. But I had to see you again. I know you felt it, too.”

 

_ I did.  _ There was no denying the immediate connection she felt from him, but she was too mad to indulge him at this point. 

 

“And what about the house for your mother? When you are you taking it to her?” She tried, but she couldn’t wipe the accusatory tone from her voice.

 

At this point, Ben looked like a man who would welcome death, if it only meant he could escape his current situation. This time, his murmur was almost inaudible. “I mailed it to her a few days ago. I usually don’t see her for Christmas.”

 

“YOU DON’T VISIT YOUR LONELY MOTHER ON CHRISTMAS?” She knew she was nearly shrieking - people were starting to stare. At this point, she gave absolutely zero fucks.  _ Perfect son my ass.  _

 

“You just couldn’t understand, Rey, what it’s like to be with my family. The things that have happened, the way I have acted. It’s too painful and difficult.” 

 

“You’re right, Ben.” She felt her jaw set and her nostrils flare. “I couldn’t possibly understand what a difficult family is like. I don’t know what having  _ any _ family is like.”

 

She looked out the window, blinking the tears away before they could fall. 

 

“Oh Rey. I had...I had no idea. I’m so sorry.” His face was stricken with remorse - he held his hand out across the table, for a moment, his eyes begging her to take it. When she finally did, he held it like it might break, rubbing his thumb gently over her knuckles in a soothing pattern.  

 

“Listen, Ben, I don’t need apologies. I’ve made my peace with it. I just can’t stand to sit here and say nothing while you talk about throwing away a relationship with a mother who loves you.”

 

Ben sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “But, all these years. She’s never tried to come see me, never tried to talk about the situation.”

 

Rey shook her head, pursing her lips. “Ben, she was probably afraid of chasing you away. You are all she has left, you know.”

 

Neither one of them said much as they paid the bill and walked out into the December cold. Ben insisted on walking her the few blocks home, passing the twinkling lights and happy families in silence. 

 

When they got to her door, he grabbed her hand, pressing it to his soft lips gently and reverently. “I’m so sorry, Rey. This isn’t at all how I imagined ending our first evening together. You must think I’m a monster.”

 

She looked up, catching his eyes staring tensely into hers.  _ Is it normal,  _ she couldn’t help but wonder,  _ to feel this way about a man she hardly knew?  _ She certainly didn’t believe in love at first sight, but something about him felt somehow both intense and relaxed, and exciting and comfortable, and well, just right. 

 

“Ben, I could never think that about you. In fact, I haven’t stopped thinking about you, period,  since we met. And honestly, it feels a little scary, but all I want is to know more about you. I want to know all of the good, all of the things that make you beautiful. But I also need to know the bad, too. It doesn’t make  _ you _ bad. It makes you human.” 

 

He smiled gratefully, and after giving her hand one last squeeze, and whispering in her ear a promise to see her tomorrow, he watched to make sure she got in her door safely. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully chapter three will be slapped up here tomorrow!
> 
> please continue any yelling at me here or on [tumblr](https://obsessivepropulsive.tumblr.com/) or [twitter](https://twitter.com/obsessivepro)


	3. The Ghost of Christmas Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo learns more about Rey, including that she already knows him better than he realizes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly, i have no excuse for this delay, other than i have had miserable writer's block. le sigh.

 

Sleepless nights were nothing new to Kylo. They started as night terrors as a toddler, progressed to nightmares and sleepwalking as a child, finally culminating into  _ this. _

 

_ This  _ being lying awake for hours in bed, turning thoughts into ruminations and ruminations into obsessions.

Rey was right about his mother, after all. He had spent the last nine years thinking mostly about himself. Being around people who did the same, like Snoke, made that a lot easier.  _ They made it seem normal.  _ Looking into her determined eyes, being reassured by her kind words, he suddenly remembered that caring for others showed strength, not weakness. 

 

He knew what he needed to do, but the thought made him feel a little nauseous. Snoke had been all he had when he moved to the city.  He gave him a purpose -  _ a fucking shady one _ \- when he felt lost, and money. Plenty of money. He traded peace of mind for distraction. He would need to take a step back - a step he knew Snoke wouldn’t be willing to give him.

 

He grabbed his laptop and typed up the email, holding his breath as he sent it. Two or three days would be all that he needed. He shut his eyes, relief sweeping his system and lulling him to sleep.

 

He knew that he dreamt of Rey all night. He woke up thinking of her, like he had just seen her beautiful smile moments ago, like she had been there beside him. He knew not much would be open on Christmas Day, so when he texted, he asked her to come over for dinner at his place. 

 

The grin on her face when she arrived, taking in the smell of roast and potatoes, melted Kylo’s heart. “You didn’t have to do all of this for me!” she exclaimed, throwing her arms around him and kissing him on the cheek.

 

He felt himself blushing, and ducking his head, protested, “It’s my mother’s recipe - she always made it on Christmas Day. Every year I make it for myself. It’ll be nice to share it with someone else.”

 

As they ate, they shared stories of favorite Christmas memories. The time that Han took them all on a road trip and let Kylo drive the Falcon off-road. He still grinned hearing the echoes of his mother’s shrieks. Rey had spent her first Christmas in the States with Rose and Finn a few years ago. She had plenty of Christmas gifts as a foster child, but none had her name on the tag. Donated gifts really didn’t come with labels. Rey had absolutely adored the boots and bag, but she still had that gift tag, red and shiny and  _ with her name on it _ , in a box in her room.

 

The more Kylo learned about Rey, the more he wanted to pull her into his arms and hold her close. Protect her and give her everything she never had. Comb through her past and set fire to anyone and anything that had prevented her from having the life she deserved.

 

But instead, he invited her over for dinner the next night. And the night after that.  _ I might not be able to make up for the years she lost,  _ he reassured himself, _ but I can sure as hell take care of her now.  _

 

It was only two days before he needed to leave when he finally got up the guts to ask her. He already knew she would say yes, but somehow, asking made it real. Set it in stone. 

 

They had just finished dinner, and Rey had already run to turn the TV on while he cleared the table. She had somehow gotten him hooked on  _ House Hunters _ , and he knew she couldn’t wait to binge watch a few more episodes before she went home. 

 

HIs heart caught in his throat at the sight of her on his couch, snuggled up in a borrowed flannel shirt, waiting for him to join her.  _ I could get used to this _ . The thought flickered through his mind briefly before he took her hand. 

 

“Rey, I need to do something. And, I...eh...I need you to help me. I have someone I need to visit, and I was wondering if you might go with me….” He trailed off with uncertainty, pausing to chew the inside of his lip nervously. 

 

“Only if it’s your mother,” One eyebrow was raised, a smirk flashed across her lips. But her eyes were warm and affectionate. 

 

_ God, I love her.  _ Ben had never been more sure of anything in his life.

 

“Thank you,” was all he could breathe out. 

 

“Also, you have to take the other gift you got her. The barbecue place.”

 

_ Shit. _

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Growing up, Rey  _ hated _ New Year’s Eve. With the wounds of a lackluster Christmas still fresh, she got to watch crowds of happy people, together, celebrate the fresh start to a new year. Meanwhile, she sat alone, worried about where her next new start would take her.

 

But sitting here, with Ben in his car…New Years might still be a couple of days away, but it already felt like the fresh start Rey had always craved. Not the kind that brought too much newness, and fear, and anxiety. No this, this was her choice.

 

It was only an hour drive out to his mother’s, but Ben had insisted on stopping to buy her snacks and a drink for the ride. She was going to be Really Responsible, and make Good Healthy Choices. She looked at the apples, and the granola bars and even the flavored waters. But instead, she hopped back in his car with a party size bag of Doritos, a bag of beef jerky and a Mountain Dew. When he asked her if she was going to share, she only laughed a little bit, but not right in his face.

 

Rey must have dozed off for a moment, which was a miracle. She didn’t peg Ben as an aggressive driver, but it was honestly slightly frightening to be his passenger. She never doubted him for a moment - he seemed completely in control the entire time. But, in control was also about 15 mph over the speed limit while weaving in and out of traffic and cursing under his breath sporadically. 

 

So, honestly, Rey was delighted to be waking up, safe and sound, with a gentle shake of her shoulder.

 

“Rey. Rey, we’re here, you have to wake up.”

 

“Mmmphhh...okay...” Rey opened her eyes, slightly, looking out the window.  _ Holy shit. Is this a castle? I mean, it isn’t made out of rocks, and I don’t see dragons or banners. But they have a little bridge that leads to their front drive. Their garage is bigger than any house I’ve ever lived in. If there is a butler, I am walking away. I don’t even know if I can go in there… _

 

“Rey? You okay?”

 

She realized she was still staring out the window with what was most likely a panicked expression on her face. She forced herself to close her gaping mouth, and turned back to Ben. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m good. I have definitely seen houses this large before. All the time.”

 

He eyed her suspiciously, then breathed out, “I don’t know if I can do this.”

 

_ You don’t know if YOU can do this? I’m sitting in front of a mansion wearing blue jeans with holes in them… _

 

She took him in - the nervous twitch of his lip, the look of fear in his normally warm eyes - and gave his hand a squeeze. “You’ve got this. I know you can do it.”

 

“It’s. It’s not just that, Rey. Coming back here, seeing my mother. It isn’t just having to face the son I have been to her, but the man that I have become as well. I don’t want you to think any less of me, when you find out some of the things I have done. I’m not proud of everything in my past, and I don’t want to ruin any of the ideas you have about me…..”

 

A snort erupted from Rey’s mouth before she could stop it. “The ideas I have about you, Ben? I have known you for less than two weeks, and I can already tell you are one of the grumpiest people I have ever met. The company you work for is terrible. From what I’ve noticed, I’m assuming they probably sell the souls of homeless kittens, or something horrifying like that. When you get upset, you tend to break things - I don’t even want to imagine how many fights you have been in. And I see you rolling your eyes at me, but I also don’t hear you denying any of it.”

 

At this, he ducked his head, staring a hole through his hands in his lap.

 

“But also, Ben, I have seen how kind and considerate you can be. How you have cared for me and expected nothing in return. The passion and dedication that lies behind your anger. You don’t need to protect me from anything. I already know what’s there. And I like it.”

 

_ I love it, maybe, too. _

 

She held his hand as they silently walked to the front door, rang the bell, and waited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, thank you for your patience and any/all comments you can leave!


	4. New Year's Eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's New Year's Eve at the Solo residence - buckle up, buttercup!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just continuing the streak of being too lazy to have someone beta for me, so all mistakes are mine!
> 
> also, i decided to tease you with a whisper of a hint of some kind of smut, but don't get too excited. yet.

**** “Hi, Mom.” 

 

His mouth had apparently taken on a life of its own.

 

He didn’t know what he expected her to do, but he thought it would be  _ something _ . Instead, his mother stood there, staring at him like maybe he was a mirage. Or a figment of her imagination.

 

He already knew she would be wearing an obnoxious sequined sweater. She had every year when he was a boy - “If there’s any time for glitter, it’s New Years Eve!” she always explained. Her hair was still long, and wound up intricately. He didn’t remember so much grey sprinkled in, or quite so many wrinkles.  _ I wonder how much of a hand I had in those… _

 

But her eyes. His mother’s eyes were still the same, and now they were looking up into his with a mixture of fear and awe and surprise.  _ And love.  _ A wave of shame and remorse washed over him. He had spent years convincing himself that he wasn’t missed, that she didn’t care, and that this was all really for the best…

 

And now, she was pulling him down. Kylo felt his body go rigid at the contact, not sure what was happening, until he felt those familiar arms wrapping around the back of his neck. He was okay until he heard her whisper his name once, only loud enough for him to hear - “Ben...” 

 

He felt something inside him snap, something that had been pulled much too tight for far too long, and suddenly he felt his body go limp in her arms, tears welling up in his eyes. 

 

“It’s okay, Ben. You’re here. Really here. You came back. You came for New Year’s Eve?” Her voice was guarded, almost as if she expected the whole thing to be revealed as a terrible joke. 

 

He cleared his throat, and nearly stammered, “I figured you would have dinner, like you always did.” A wave of nostalgia passed over him - memories of laughing around a table, staying up late, his parents toasting and kissing at midnight. “I thought. I thought, maybe you might want some company. Maybe you didn’t want to be alone.”

 

“Well, not quite alone…” Ben jerked his head up to the doorway, looking for the face that matched the familiar voice. His hair was shaggy, and greying, with this odd beard, and honestly,  _ he looked like hell _ , but he knew it was his Uncle Luke. 

 

“Hey kid, nice to see you again.” 

 

Ben braced himself, waiting for a stinging remark - the harsh criticism he surely deserved and his uncle loved to dish out - but it never came. Instead, Luke motioned towards Rey. “You going to introduce your pretty friend to us?”

He felt his mother give him one last squeeze before she released him, looking over his shoulder to the girl standing shyly on the steps. 

 

_ This is Rey,  _ Ben thought,  _ and I don’t even know how to introduce her because she is the most important thing in my life suddenly and please don’t mess this up for me and chase her away even though she already knows I am a human disaster she doesn’t need any more proof.  _

 

Before he could even open his mouth to utter some respectable version of this, an enormous blur of brown fur flew out of the front door and straight at Rey, knocking her flat on her ass.

 

“Chewie!” Leia, Luke and Ben all shouted in unison. Luke ran to pull the dog off of Rey, who was being covered in giant sloppy kisses. Ben helped her up, grumbling, “How is he even still alive? He’s got to be almost 20 now!”

 

“Oh, at this point I’m just guessing he will outlive all of us,” Leia said with a smile, “And he sure seems to love…” She trailed off, looking Rey’s way expectantly.  

 

“Rey! My name is Rey!” She stuck her hand out to shake the older woman’s, but found herself wrapped up in bone-crushing hug instead. Rey wasn’t quite sure what to do - it wasn’t often that she was hugged by others, and it most certainly hadn’t been by a mother figure any point in the last ten years. Ben had to stifle a laugh as he watched her reciprocate the hug with equal force, nearly lifting his mother off her feet.  Leia grinned broadly, first at Rey, and then her son. “I like you already, sweetie,” she whispered fondly to the younger woman.

 

“Now let’s go inside and have dinner,” Leia announced to everyone, and then, quietly to Ben, “We can finish talking later. I’m hoping we will have plenty of time now?”

 

Ben’s nod was gentle but resolute. 

 

\------------------------------------------------------

 

Leia was  _ nothing _ like Rey imagined she would be. 

 

Working beside her in her kitchen was comfortable for Rey. Mundane tasks - scraping dishes, rinsing them off, packing up the leftovers - they worked together with ease.

 

But how a hulk of a man like Ben Solo came out of this tiny woman, Rey assumed she would never understand. Leia was grace and poise, a sharp contrast to her son’s long limbs and awkward angles. Where he was quiet and withdrawn, Leia was vibrant and loud. Rey felt a ping of sympathy for him, imagining him growing up in her shadow, so close, but truly so far away.

 

“Ben is just like his father was.” Rey almost dropped the dish she was holding, frantically screaming  _ CAN SHE READ MY THOUGHTS? _ in her head, but Leia continued, her voice free of any animosity or judgement. “It didn’t seem like it, on the surface, though, but it was there.”

 

The older woman looked wistfully to a chair in the kitchen - Rey assumed it had belonged to her husband. “Han may have been a charmer, but he was also one of the most temperamental and impulsive people I have ever met. You know that look Ben gets in his eyes, that intense one? The one that is scary and thrilling and makes you just a little bit afraid of what he might do?”

 

Rey nodded.  _ Oh I know that look. _

 

“He got it from his father. They argued and fought all the time. We sent him to live with Luke for a while - it didn’t get any better. The last conversation they had was a fight, right before Han passed. It was the last time Ben saw his father. He never forgave himself, and apparently, he assumed that I hadn’t, either. He left soon after.” 

 

Rey saw Leia brush away a tear surreptitiously, then sigh quietly to herself. “I have to remember that’s the past. There’s no changing it now. But, today - today I have my Ben back here with me, for the first time in nine years. And, my dear, I’m imagining I have you to thank for that.”

 

Rey felt Leia’s grateful eyes flicker to her, and then a blush creep up her cheeks.

 

“Mrs. Solo, I….”

 

“Please, dear. First - there’s nothing you need to say. You’ve done enough. Second - I don’t pay all that money for that fancy Poetry in Lotion wrinkle stuff to be called Mrs. Solo. Please, call me Leia.” 

 

“Or Princess. She answers to that, too,” Luke’s gruff voice echoed with amusement as he sauntered into the kitchen. “Let’s go, ladies, we have just a few minutes left until midnight, and I really don’t want to be stuck with Ben in here to kiss at midnight.”

 

Rey found a place to sit beside Ben on one of the couches, nestled between what appeared to be the major restaurant districts of the tiny Christmas village that had been cheerfully vomited all over the entire house.  _ Ben really wasn’t kidding when he said his mom loved these things.  _ She smiled, noticing the weird barbecue place already slid in among the others. 

 

She looked up to meet Ben’s eyes watching her. The smile on his face was relaxed, his eyes warm.  _ This is the happiest I have ever seen him _ , she realized. 

 

“I’m so glad you are here with me.” His tone was simple, and earnest.

 

“Me, too.” 

 

When the ball dropped at midnight, Ben kissed her on the cheek with his mother watching them intently. Rey felt a blush rise to her cheeks as she squeezed his hand and took another sip of her champagne. 

 

Three glasses later, Rey found herself in Ben’s childhood bedroom, helping him search through his old clothes for pajamas that just might not swallow her whole. The steady snow had switched over to ice, and besides, both of them were a little too buzzed to be driving. Apparently Leia was not only a fantastic hostess, but an exceptional drink refiller as well 

 

Rey had literally nothing left from her childhood, and being in Ben’s room was honestly a little surreal. She found herself enamored with the small flashes of him she found - all of the pieces that built him into the man that he was today. Fencing trophies, a comic book collection, a calligraphy set, a picture of what Rey assumed was Ben with his father in front of a race car. Things that she wanted to ask him about, pick apart bit by bit and talk about until she had explored every corner of him. She knew one day she would know him completely. She felt it to her core.

 

She changed in the bathroom, slipping into the worn  _ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles  _ t-shirt.  Despite it being the smallest shirt Ben could find, it was still long enough to cover her ass, which was lucky considering the boxer shorts he has handed her were absolutely not going to stay up around her hips.

 

Tiptoeing down the hallway, Rey bypassed the guest bedroom Leia had excitedly prepared for her, and crept down to Ben’s room. Head still buzzing from the champagne, she had one goal in mind. She opened his door quietly, and gasped.

 

There was a wall of pale skin in front of her.  _ It has to be a wall. It is large, like a wall. And strong. I think if I poked the wall, I would also find it pleasantly hard. I think I could, and most definitely would like to, climb this wall. _

 

Her eyes then somehow focused in on the clothing in his hand.  _ Underwear. Nice black boxer briefs. Which meant… _

 

_ SHIT.  _

 

Rey felt her eyes go wide as she took Ben in,  _ all  _ of Ben in, every impressive inch. She had seen things before, of course, in books and online. But this... _ THIS was something else entirely.  _ For the second time in one day, she had to make a conscious effort not to leave her mouth hanging open. 

 

She knew she needed to look up,  _ look at his damn face, _ but she was mortified at what she might find there. Even through the haze of alcohol she understood that she had barged in on him, changing in his own room.  _ And _ , a tiny voice in the back of her head reminded her,  _ what if this isn’t what he wants? Maybe it’s too much? Maybe you’re scaring him away? Just look, so you can apologize, dummy… _

 

She willed her gaze to travel up, and, well...no one had ever,  _ ever _ looked at Rey this way before. She didn’t think his eyes could get any more intense, but she was very wrong. They were positively smoldering as she watched them trace down her body to where his shirt brushed her thighs.  One eyebrow was raised - there was a small smile, maybe even a smirk, on his lips. He took a step towards her, and Rey’s head began to swim. The notion of shame or fear on his features was laughable to her now. He looked like he wanted to wreck her, in the most beautiful way possible, and Rey had absolutely no objection to that idea at all. 

 

His hand came up to her face, brushing her cheek gently with his thumb. “Please tell me you want this” - his words came out smooth and low, and Rey felt them in her chest. 

 

She nodded, and was immediately surrounded by strong, thick arms pulling her up, bringing her to her tiptoes. His head was bent low, his hair brushing her cheek as he placed three soft kisses along her jawline. The soft moan that escaped her lips was completely involuntary, along with the quiver she felt in her legs and she could have sworn she heard him chuckle, quietly…

 

And then nothing else mattered. HIs lips slotted over hers perfectly, insistent and soft. It never occurred to her not to open her mouth to him, and the simple feeling of his tongue against hers made the room positively spin around her. She wanted to kiss past the lingering flavor of toothpaste in both of their mouths, and deepen it until she could find out what Ben really tasted like.

 

In the meantime, she settled for exploring his body with her hands. They started in his dark hair -  _ impossibly thick _ \- and moved to his broad shoulders, sliding down. HIs hands tightened on her hips as she felt him take a rasping breath in. She traced the muscles of his stomach further down, edging closer…

 

“HEY KID!” Luke was banging on the door, yelling at a level that was completely unnecessary for 2:00 a.m. “I need your help unfolding the sleeper bed in the game room!”

 

Ben jumped, leaping back off of Rey with wide, guilty eyes. She took him in, standing there naked and awkward, and immediately burst into a fit of giggles. Grinning and pulling on a pair of sweatpants, he leaned in, grabbing around her waist to press one last kiss to her cheek.

 

“Laugh all you want. But you know, I don’t think I mind the interruption. I don’t want our first time to be like this - rushed and quiet and tipsy. You deserve more than that, and I’ll give it to you.” His eyes were reverent, the words a promise whispered in her ear. 

 

“But for now, will you let me hold you tonight?” Ben suddenly looked unsure, even sheepish, like a child asking for more than he was allowed. It reminded her of the first time she saw him in her store. 

 

She nodded, a smile spreading across her face. “I’ll wait right here for you,” she said, climbing into his bed.

 

Minutes later, wrapped up in Ben’s arms, head curled under his chin, Rey slept better than she ever had before. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next, and (probably) final chapter will be centered around valentine's day. and it will be posted in the next couple of weeks.
> 
> as always, please come yell at me. here. [tumblr](https://obsessivepropulsive.tumblr.com/). [twitter](https://twitter.com/obsessivepro). anywhere.


	5. Valentine's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the span of one chapter, Ben somehow completely fucks things up and then totally scores.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you: "but valentine's day was weeks ago!"
> 
> me: "tell that to my writer's block and my painfully slow writing pace. here, have a hea and some sex to make it up to you."
> 
> (this is the first smut i have ever published, don't get excited.)

Rey had been patient with him. So patient. 

Ben could feel her frustration and confusion - it had been hanging between them for a week now, persistent and sharp.

The thought of her feeling unwanted, rejected, _unloved_ , made him feel sick to his stomach. He  desperately tried other ways to show her how he felt. Hell, he couldn’t keep his hands off of her. He felt like a horny teenager again. He, Ben Solo, was making out for hours with a girl. If only his college roommates could see him now. At this point, he knew every inch of her gorgeous body. The gentle slope of her breasts, the cute little dips in her back where her ass flared out. Her softest, most beautiful places, _she let him touch her there._

And he knew he kept her happy. The way she arched her back and whimpered his name - he could live in that moment forever. Or the moment after, as he watched her make him come with her hands and he didn’t think his life could get any better. Except she was looking at him, with expectation, with the thought of something more. 

Something Ben just wasn’t ready for. It wasn’t that he didn’t want her.  _ God, how he wanted her.  _ And yes, yes he was a virgin, but that didn’t matter because it was Rey. 

But he just couldn’t have her, make her completely his. Not all the way. Not yet. He didn’t deserve her yet.

He had started planning how he would do it the moment he met her. The time just wasn’t right, and he couldn’t bring himself to explain it to her. He was a coward, and took the comfort of silence over the harsh reality of the truth.

And then the bottom fell out. He hadn’t intended for her to hear the conversation, if you could call it that. Really, it was him being yelled at by Snoke. Berated and threatened over the phone, dragged through hell over two lost days of work.

He supposed he had just gotten used to it over the years, built up a thick skin. It didn’t even phase him anymore. Clearly, the same could not be said about Rey.

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!?!”

Ben was sitting on the edge of his bed, phone still in his hand when he heard her voice echo with outrage from the doorway. Her hands were on her hips, her hair falling loose from her buns and her eyes blazing. Words escaped him. She was beautiful, and terrifying.

“Who was that man? Why was he talking to you like that? And why was he calling you ‘Kylo’?”

Ben sucked in a breath. Hearing her say his name,  _ that name _ , felt so very wrong.

“He’s my boss. Snoke is my boss.” He could hear the defeat in his own voice.

“And Kylo?”

“My name. Well, the name I took when I moved here, when I started working for him. I couldn’t...I couldn’t. Ben wouldn’t do those things, the things I have done…”

He felt himself trail off, tears welling behind his eyes. He desperately tried to swallow them back but all that came out was a raw choking sound.

“You said you have no illusions about me, Rey, but you have no fucking idea what I have done.” He couldn’t bear to meet her eyes, so instead he mumbled at the bedspread. “I have ruined people’s lives. Driven families out of their homes, left parents with nowhere to go, all in the name of profit. You are working one day to save children’s lives, and I am destroying them.”

His voice continued on, dripping with self-loathing, laying out all of his sins before her. He was so absorbed in his misery that he didn’t even notice the tears running down her cheeks, her head shaking in disbelief. She was still standing in the same spot when he finished, eyes wide with disbelief and pity, hands over her mouth in horror.

_ This is where it ends. This is where she leaves. God, how could I have ever imagined she would stay, that in any universe I would keep her? _

Although he knew it was coming, he felt his heart sink as he watched her turn and walk down the hallway. He heard her pick up her bag off the kitchen table. He dropped his head to his hands, waiting for the sound of the door shutting behind her.

But it didn’t come. Instead, he felt her gentle hand on his shoulder, and looked up into eyes that were still filled with tears. He expected disgust to paint her features, but instead he was shocked to see compassion. In her outstretched hand she held a photograph. In it, a small dark-haired boy smiled broadly at the man holding him, while the man flashed the same grin right back.

“Your mother gave it to me before we left. She told me to hold on to it, that you would need it. If now isn’t the time, then I don’t know what is.”

Ben felt a fresh wave of tears surge behind his eyes.  _ My mother? Of course she did. _

“Rey-”

“Ben,” she cut him off before he could even start, “Your mother never gave up on you - your father, too, and I don’t plan on it either. But I can’t pretend that I’m okay with this. The First Order, Snoke - the things you do for them aren’t right, and you know that.”

He nodded, slowly, and looked up. “By the time I realized what I had gotten into, it was too late. I spent years telling myself that I had gone too far, that there was no turning back. And I believed it - I had resigned myself to that life. And then, I met you. And for the first time in years I started to hope for something more..”

Her hand suddenly ran through his hair and down the back of his neck. He felt his body involuntarily lean into her soothing touch.

“I want that future with you, too, Ben. And the things that you have done - they don’t define you. It’s your past. But I can’t stand by while you let it become your future, also. You know what needs to be done, and you have to be the one to do it.”

She pressed a kiss to his temple, and then his cheek. “I’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready.”

And then she was gone.   

 

\-------------------------------------------------

If Rey was honest with herself, she was starting to get a little nervous. 

It had been a month since she had last spoken with Ben, holding him while he sobbed in his bedroom. 

She understood he would need space. He had spent years digging a hole for himself, and the rational part of her brain realized that it would take time to pull himself out. But the crazy bitch in her was slamming her head into the wall and mumbling incoherently about never seeing him again.

He hadn’t called - and she didn’t think he would. 

But each evening, about thirty minutes after she got home, like clockwork, there was someone knocking at her door. The first night, it was take-out from the Chinese place down the street. The next night there were tacos, followed by pizza, and then soup from her favorite deli. It was never the same - always something new, something delicious - and the delivery person always said the same thing.

“He said you would know who it was from.”

_ Of course he would. _

It became the bright spot in her day, the one thing that she looked forward to, that kept her connected to him on some level. It wasn’t just the food. He was thinking of her, and taking care of her.

Until one night, dinner didn’t come.

By seven o’ clock, she was getting nervous. Once she saw her phone flash eight, she was panicking.

_ What if he is sick, or hurt? What if something happened to him? Why did I have to be so self-righteous, turning him out on his own, not checking on him? _

She passed the next forty-five minutes in the shower, washing her hair and distracting herself with the increasingly horrific scenarios she imagined Ben in. By the time she had dried off and decided that he had most likely been hit by a city bus that he didn’t see coming because his eyes were full of tears shed over her, it was nearly nine. 

She had just decided to  _ finally fucking call him like she should have days ago  _ when she heard the frantic knocking at the door. 

He looked like hell. His shirt was rumpled, his tie eskew. The shadows under his eyes were more pronounced than she remembered them, and she was certain from the level of disarray in his hair that he had been running his hands through it all day.

But all Rey could focus on was his smile. He was grinning at her, broad and open and warm. She didn’t know if she had seen him this happy before.

He didn’t say anything, just held out a bag to her. She recognized the yellow blocks on the logo right away, followed by the unmistakable scent of bacon and syrup seconds later.

“They still had that chocolate chip and peanut butter waffle you loved so much.”

“Love is a pretty strong word.” She realized the weight of the words she had chosen the moment they left her mouth.

“It’s completely appropriate in this situation.” He held her gaze meaningfully, pausing before continuing, “Besides, you were practically groaning over these things. There were literal streams of drool coming out of your mouth.” He chuckled to himself at the memory.

And then, suddenly, his laugh faded, and a tender look shadowed over his face.

“Rey, I’m sorry I didn’t call you. Or text you. I’m sorry this took so long. I needed to do this right. And yes, it was about you, but it was also about me. You were right, I had to do this by myself. For myself.”

He paused, and she looked up in time to watch him clumsily smear a tear from the corner of his eye.

“Oh, Ben-”

“No, no. It’s fine. I’m fine now. I just...I couldn’t walk away without taking him down. It took time. Nine weeks is much faster than usual, they told me, but I gave them everything I had. And Snoke is done - he can’t hurt anyone else, with the information I gave them. I had to try to fix things, to undo some of the evil I had a hand in.

Rey had cocked her head to the side, brows knit. “But, 9 weeks ago, that would be-”

“When we met.” Ben nodded, his mouth working nervously. “I contacted agents the day after we met. I knew. I knew I wanted to be a man you could be proud of. Even if I could never have you.”

“But, Ben-”

“No. I mean, I don’t think I’ll ever deserve you, Rey, but I will fucking try, every day, until you understand how much you mean to me. You saw the good in me that I had forgotten was there. I just want you to know how much I -”

“BEN!”

There was enough bite in her tone to snap him to attention.

“Ben, can we please go inside and finish this there?”

He looked down the hall of the apartment building and saw two little kids standing a few feet away, staring at him wide-eyed, watching this scene unfold with the attention they usually reserved for shitty YouTube videos.

“Yes. Yes of course…” He trailed off sheepishly, and followed Rey inside.  

 

\---------------------------------------

 

Ben had truly planned on eating before anything else. 

Her kitchen was small, but functional. Watching her flit around the cabinets, grabbing plates and glasses, brought an immediate grin to his face. He couldn’t help but imagine her doing the same, but in a much larger, more beautiful space. In a home, a home she deserved.  _ Our home. _

She set down the silverware, and giving him a shy smile, laid her hands on the back of his suddenly. It was the first time they had touched in over a month, and he could feel the warmth, the energy buzzing at the places their skin met. He turned his over, marveling at how perfectly her slender fingers and wrists were engulfed completely in his grasp.

_ Mine. _

He had thought of her constantly the past few weeks. The way she moved, the way she smiled, the way she said his name. She was the last thing on his mind as he fell asleep at night, and the first thing he thought of as he woke up the next morning.

And now, to have her here, to be able to touch her and smell her and see her - it was nearly too much.

And then she spoke.

“Ben, I’m so proud of you.”

He felt the muscles in his body tense, and then, as he met her eyes, immediately relax. He saw something across her face he didn’t quite recognize. He thought it might be adoration, and he hoped she could see the same in his eyes as well.

“Rey, could you be happy with me?”   

He nearly winced at the desperation in his voice, but he couldn’t wait another minute to know, to be sure.

Her smile was honest and kind. “I’ve been happy since the day I met you, Ben. I’ve just been waiting for you to be happy, too.”

There were only a few steps between them, but he managed to close the gap with one long stride, pulling her up to reach his lips.  

They had kissed before. Well, Rey  _ thought _ they had kissed before. She definitely  _ knew _ they had kissed before. So this must not be kissing, despite it clearly involving their lips pressed together. There was a new layer to is now, a delicious wonderful layer that left her legs shaking and made her uncomfortably aware that damp underwear was a huge chafing hazard.

Underwear that he was now,  _ Thank God,  _ peeling off of her and throwing to the side. His hands were as warm and wide as she remembered them. The strong grip on her hips was familiar, again, but somehow different. 

Ben had nearly groaned with relief as she pulled off the thin tank she was wearing, his hands immediately cupping her, thumbs tracing circles over her already taut nipples.

Rey didn’t think she could be any more attracted to him than she already was, that she could want him any more than she already did. The thought of his head between her legs, his hair disheveled by her desperate fingers, had haunted her fantasies for a month.

She had understood his need to hold back before, and had wanted to give him the time he needed.

But here, tonight, she could feel  _ his _ desperation bleeding over. Every touch screamed how much he needed her, how badly she was missed. Rey had always felt wanted by Ben, but she was nearly overwhelmed by the sudden sense of belonging that was passing through her.

Before she could stop it, she felt tears prick the corners of her eyes, followed by Ben’s frightened gaze.

“I’m so sorry, Rey. I know this is a lot at once, and we can slow down if-”

“Oh Ben, no. It isn’t that at all. I’m just so happy to have you back here with me. I missed you, you know. Besides, you owe me.”

“I owe you?” His eyes narrowed, his hand stilled at the juncture of her thighs.

“You said,  _ and I quote _ , that you would ‘give me what I deserve.’ I’m still wondering exactly what that entails.”

She stifled a giggle as she watched a blush pass over his cheeks. “I...uh...I wanted to be ready for this, I want things to be perfect for you, but to be honest, I’ve never-”

“Well good, then, neither have I.” Her sweet smile sent shockwaves through his groin. “I want you to be my first, and my last, Ben”

_ Fuck _ . He felt the hand that was hovering in her lap push between her folds, sinking into the velvety wetness underneath.

A moan filled the room - it took him a moment to realize that it came from the both of them.

Pleasing Rey still felt instinctual, almost natural. He didn’t have to ask her to show him what felt good - the whimpers and sighs coming from her made it abundantly clear. And Ben, Ben was willing to do  _ anything _ to be rewarded with these sounds.   

The first time she came, it was stretched tight around his fingers. His other arm was under her, holding her as she arched her back, his eyes on hers. The second time he couldn’t see her eyes - instead he had the perfect view of her, spread open for him as he tasted her for the first time. 

He could have stayed there, head between her legs for another hour, but he felt her tug him up, pushing down the band of his box-briefs and taking him carefully in her delicate hands. And then in her mouth, meeting his eyes as she took as much as she could of him down her throat.

“Fuck, Rey, If you keep doing that, I’m going to come.” He felt his eyes roll back in his head and heard the headboard of the bed creak under his grasp.

Rey released him with a wet pop, peering up at him through her lashes. “Please Ben, I think I’m ready, I can’t imagine a more perfect time or…” She trailed off, feeling his arms drop beneath her hands.

“Rey, I didn’t bring a condom, I’m sorry.”

He felt her smile against his thigh. Then rising, in his ear, “You weren’t the only one who’s been busy the last nine weeks. I made an appointment and got the pill the day after we met.”

“So, I can...we don’t have to worry about…” He looked at her nervously.

“Yes, Ben.” She rolled her eyes and giggled as he picked her up and laid her out on the bed beneath him. He stalled for a moment, taking in the sight of her spread beneath him, waiting and ready, searing it into his memory desperately. He leaned over, caging her face with his forearms and bringing his lips to her forehead with a tender kiss.

He knew enough to start slow, giving her a moment to adjust. “God, I had forgotten how big you are,” she said, in a voice that was somewhere between a whisper and a moan and made Ben almost come right there on the spot.

He assumed he wouldn’t last long his first time with Rey, but he realized quickly that he had still overestimated himself. The soft warmth of her taking him in would have been enough, pushed him to the edge alone. But the sight of her tan body under his, breasts bouncing as he began to rut into her, head thrown back and crying his name - it was simply too much to bear.

Reaching to touch her between them, he leaned down and whispered close, his breath tickling her ear, “You are so beautiful, so good to me, please  _ please  _ be a good girl and come for me again, Rey.”

With a nod and a whimper she came around him, and he followed after her, her fingernails still in his back. He stayed in her for a moment, pressing kisses into her neck and shoulders, before pulling away and wrapping her up in his arms.  

The calendar reminder on Ben’s phone shook them from their blissful haze. “February 14th - Valentine’s Day - call Rey,” it read. He snoozed it, setting his phone down and pressing a kiss to the forehead of the woman in his arms. 

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Rey. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Ben. Now will you please go get me my waffle? I’m starving.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this also happens to be the first fic that i have published and finished. so please leave me feedback? i mean, a simple thumbs up or thumbs down would make my day?
> 
> i also live on [tumblr](https://obsessivepropulsive.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/obsessivepro) if you are feeling lonely!


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